June 2, 2011

Faith

More often than not I find myself wondering what I put my faith into.
When I seek refuge and help, I go to others, but in my desperate time of need, I truly wish I had faith in God sometimes. As of right now, my only faith is in Karma. I believe what bad has happened to me came to me because I myself wasn't an honest person. I may have been selfish, lazy and spoiled. But so much goodness has also come into my life, more great than not. So I can only hope that I am a good person. I have come to realize that in the past years my mood is not always in my control and that my nerves are not made of steel but of simple strings like hair. I can only hope I can control these things and become more balanced. I seek science and math when seeing nature and life, not God. I feel like we were just all lucky enough to be a part of this extraordinary creation. But in that, the people found faith in what they thought was right. I am so so thankful I was allowed to choose my path of faith. Though I do not believe in many ideas, I believe that this life is like the endless knot, and that our soul is recycled into a new form, and how we have treated others and ourselves in the lifetimes we have is our judgment. Buddhism has really helped my accept my fate. Understanding that the universe will conspire to help me for doing good gives me faith. I can honestly believe in the Enlightenment. I used to meditate, now I just try with my might to make others happy. Some days it is hard, and I want to curl into my darkness, but I try to keep faith in doing what is right. So although I do not pray to a God, I have faith that when my time comes, I will be proved a good person and will be taken care of, no matter where my soul goes. Maktub, I do not fear my death.


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