June 25, 2011

letters

I was never stuck in my past, regardless of how happy I once was,
I actually deserved that happiness because
I worked on everything, many jobs, many friends because I put time
in and earned respect and trust.
With hard work I did get most of the things I wanted, but since
when is having friends materialistic? 
I am no princess, my life has been no fairytale, and as of lately,
whatever I work for goes to things you never thought
of at this age.
With all the stress in my life, I hate how you can make
me feel so low for being sad. 
You make it about you, when I'm the one calling
in the first place to say goodnight,
Can't remember the last time I was worth
you dialing my name in your phone, calling just to ask how work was,
knowing fully it was miserable but calling regardless.
Your friends, used to be my friends, and long before you came along,
it was simple, and made sense.
I miss the friends before you changed their minds,
but I'm trying to understand that they weren't good people all along.
Respect that it takes time to move on from that many people.
What I did to you... losing friends never had to be
the punishment, you built an army against me to replace your spine.
Since then, I don't look at you the same.
Your old friends make me upset,
which is the same you can say. How does this work..?
If I'm being short with you, stop making yourself the target.
I wouldn't be calling if I didn't want to be with you.

We can't build off zero trust.
I have faith only because you were the only one 
who would be there day in and day out.
Now you gladly walk out the door.
I have faith because we had something that no one could imitate.
And I have faith because you rise up against all other men.
I don't know how we dug ourselves into this pit.
Either the rain comes and drowns us,
or some sort of miracle gets us out.
I miss the certainty 
and love.
But if time cannot heal this,
if we cannot grow.
Then I would continue
to live, no doubt.
I just didn't picture it being
without you.

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